On Saturday, July 7, our baby will turn one year old. And, I promised my husband that we would talk seriously about planning number 2. Baby number dose, that is. Not the other kind of #2. We need no promises to talk about that because, hey, we talk about it all the time. Doesn’t everybody?
I digress. Most of the time we are both sure that we want two children. It goes back to our own respective upbringings and the important roles our siblings played and continue to play in our lives. Who else can you really talk to about how crazy your parents are? I want that for Z because I can attest to the fact that his parents might be a shot of vodka short of a screw-driver.
So, even though we sometimes fool ourselves into thinking that we’re going back- and-forth on the decision to have another baby, indecision is not the culprit in our putting-off truly talking about family planning. Fear is the culprit. Healthy, gut-wrenching, paralyzing fear is the culprit. After making it through year one of baby’s existence, we’d be fools not to have a little fear. Please don’t misunderstand, the year has been full of the most profound joy either of us has ever experienced, but raising a baby/child/person is HARD. Really hard. The task of raising this little human takes all that I am and then some. It stretches me, tears me, and then recreates me. And I’m just not sure if I’m ready to double it!
But then, I’m sure I’ll never be ready- we’ll never be ready. Because how can one ready oneself for such profound life-changes?
Also, logistically, it’s no secret that my husband is 16 years my senior (insert gasps from the audience here; I might judge me, too). He’d like at least some time later in life, when we’re done with the raising part of children, to relax and enjoy our time together. And I don’t blame him- the longer we wait, the less time to relax later.
So, alas, the hubs and I will stick to our little motto as a couple, and that motto is “yes”. We’ll say yes to the unknown, yes to that which frightens us, and we’ll do it hand in hand, side by side, trusting that whatever awaits us will bring that much more joy and love into our lives. And we’ll do it with eyes wide open, expecting the hardships. Because, as the old adage goes, anything in life truly worth it is challenging.
Jessie Akos at Parenting is a Big Deal
Last year, in the year 2011, I became a mother. And it changed me at my very core. Or, maybe, motherhood pulled my core out of the depths of my guarded soul and made me wear it on the outside. And now, here I am, exposed, and thrust into a world where love (abounding, miraculous, insurmountable love), and poop (lots of poop), tears, laughter, kisses, delight, boredom, overwhelm, and joy (so much joy) run rampant. I’m sure all of those things (maybe not all the poop if you’re not a parent) rule in your life, too. So, welcome to my world! We have a lot in common!
My husband, baby, and goofy, lovable dog named Bella and I live in beautiful Boulder, Colorado where we run (ahem, we try), hike, mountain bike, ski, and generally enjoy the outdoors when we’re not freakishly adhering to Zs nap schedule or swamped with snot, poop, or any other such bodily function of our child. Yes, I talk about it. All of it. But I also speak from my heart; I try to write the truth as I see it, and I don’t color my reality with anything other than how I genuinely feel. I’d expect the same from you!