Thursday, January 7, 2010

On my way to a calmer 2010

One of my goals for this year is to try not to get so worked up about things. There is just too much going on in my life right now to worry about every little thing. My house is never as organized or clean as I would like, I don't have complete control over what happens in my day and my DH is not going to magically change overnight (he will still leave his things everywhere!!!)... though I still adore him! So, all that leaves me is how I react to things.

I know, this all sounds good written down. The hard part is putting it into action. I have a temper. I saw it modeled at a young age when my Grandma yelled at my Grandpa. His reaction was always a sweet, "Whatever you want Mary Lou". Perhaps this was not the best example, but ultimately it is now my choice how I react. It is never too late to modify bad behavior.

After a day of being screamed at by 2 kids, having things go wrong with dinner and then watching my DH leave his dishes all over and fall asleep. Well, it makes me want to SCREAM! I have done the huffy thing, and I have banged things around ... but what really makes me feel better is yelling. As horrible as it sounds, it helps to alleviate some of my anger. But the problem is how I make others around me feel. Now that my son is 2, he is very sensitive to even a stern look from me. I definitely don't want to model that sort of behavior for him.

So, I try to break the cycle. I am trying to let more things "go". If my son threw all his books on the floor, maybe it is time to read a story and then work together to put them all back. If my DH irritates me, I can write it down and read it later (when I have calmed down) before I talk to him about it. And I need to let go of unrealistic expectations for myself. I can only do so much in 24 hours.

Wish me luck!
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