This is Milwaukee's new anti-co-sleeping poster that shows co-sleeping as dangerous. The City of Milwaukee Health Department strongly advises parents NOT to share a bed with their infant. This is based on an American Academy of Pediatrics 2011 Policy Statement.
Really? After my initial shock, anger and sadness at what this poster is trying to do, I found it rather comical.
Co-sleeper, bed-sharers and parents practicing attached parenting that share a bed with their infant follow guidelines. First off, my babies usually wore pajamas with a sleep sack, an overnight cloth diaper, the sheets were fitted and flat, no pillows and of course, no meat cleaver!
So, why am I sad? And why am I posting about something so many others have been covering? Well, I worry either parents will stop bed sharing or feel bad and guilty about doing so. This is a topic I would love to hear many voices unite on. Don't tell me not to do the natural thing. Have we not learned anything from the great formula push of the 1950's and 1960's?
With my first child we bought a crib. It is probably a great thing that we rarely used it, the dropside crib we bought was later recalled... We tried to gently acclimate him to sleeping on his own. I tried and spent evenings and nights crying as my son wailed from the other room. He didn't just scream, he screamed until he got sick or shook. I was told tough love works eventually. Well, I wouldn't have it! Bed sharing became a way for me to get more sleep and both of us to bond stress-free.
When he was a year old he became very sick. It was a really scary time for me as a Mom to see him so weak and thin. I was there for every cough, every fever and to hear him breathe at night. I know it helped him as well as myself during those months.
We were responsible. He slept in the middle in a sleep nest. But that didn't last long. Who would want to sleep in a shallow holder between your parents? So that went. We then got bed rails for either side of our bed and he was safely able to sleep between us. We still remember the feeling of his hands traveling over our faces in his sleep. He has always been very touchy.
With my second we didn't even fight it. She has always been an amazing sleeper and I credit this with never being away from us night or day.
Now why are we the only animals wanting to not protect and stay close together at night? I don't like to be stuck by myself in a big bed, or room? why would my baby?
My oldest is now 4 and his toddler bed is still in our room. We have decided to share a communal sleeping room. It fits our family best. We don't do anything in there except sleep, snuggle or read stories or sing songs before bedtime. We have created a whole room devoted to rest and relaxation.
So, do I think bed sharing is dangerous? No. Done responsibly I don't think there is a safer place for my babies to have slept at night. Neither my husband nor I are violent sleepers, have sleep disorders, smoke, are taking medication or drink so we were at low risk for hurting our children. Amazingly we found many of our friends also co-slept. The crazy thing is no one wanted to admit it at first. It was a taboo topic.
Posters like this make it even harder to hold our heads up as co-sleepers.
If you share a bed or did, I urge your to share your stories. Compassionate and responsible parenting should never be shameful, but this poster is.
Blaze still sleeps in the middle of my husband and I in a king size bed. He is 4 years old now also. He has a twin bed in the room also but honestly we like to snuggle with him. They are only little once. They will only allow you to snuggle with them for so long. If people cosleep safely I say do it as long as possible. There will come a time that it ends and you will miss it. We had a crib and all that too but it didn't get used except for a few naps because he loved our bed and never slept well in the crib. I didn't mean to start out cosleeping. But Blaze had silent reflux which caused him to have apnea spells so he slept in the crook of my left arm for over a year. I did this because you could not hear when anything was wrong but I could feel him stop breathing and many times I had to get him started again. What if he had been alone in a crib?? We are the parents and we should do what is safe and natural to us. Government be danged.
ReplyDeleteIco-slept with every single one of mine... I don't regret it one bit!
ReplyDeleteCo-sleeping mama here!
ReplyDeleteI never hide it. It is amazing how many people you can educate on the subject if you just speak up. Oh, and I really like how you mentioned that no other animals stick their offspring far away from them.
Great post! At first it was about practicality. I was just too tired to get up after nursing while laying down and didn't want to run the risk of the baby waking back up - as a new mother you are so desperate for every moment of sleep! But then it just became pure joy. I think you said it right - if you practice it safely...
ReplyDeleteMine totally slept with meat cleavers all the time. That ad is ridiculous. My oldest has had sleep issues since she was born. One of my biggest parenting regrets is trying to get her to "cry it out" in the crib all by herself because that was the "right" way to do it. Finally after 6 months of misery, we put her in our bed with us and never looked back, never explained. When my son came along, we didn't even set up the crib. It saddens me to see such horrific advertisements.
ReplyDeleteThat is unbelievable. If anything, there should maybe be guidelines FOR co-sleeping. Maybe there are, I'm not sure. But instead of trying to show people how WRONG it is, how about showing them how to do it RIGHT? There should be an assumption that people want to co-sleep, and then make sure they are not doing it in any way that creates risk.
ReplyDeleteWe are long-term co-sleepers, and I wouldn't have it any other way.